hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
