i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
