and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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