I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
