Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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