i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
