honey bunches of taint.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize