I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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