I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
