Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
