I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
