Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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