We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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