Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
