she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
