just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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