Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
