1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
