This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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