Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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