I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
