Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
