would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
