You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
