I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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