How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
