i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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