i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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