honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
