wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
