Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Shame - the story of my life.
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