I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
