she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
