dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
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