Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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