Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
