Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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