I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
