you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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