If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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