I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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