im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We need a shit load of segways right now
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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