I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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