I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize