Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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