I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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