Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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