Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
