I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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