he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
