were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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