how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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