why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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