That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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