So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
