Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
