Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
