we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I think i got beer on your cat.
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