Its about making memories worth repressing
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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