So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
