I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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