Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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