Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
