I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
