at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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