I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
