weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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