The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
