Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
