If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
