my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
