okay pat passed out under dana's car
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
