Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
