Pants 0. Shit 1.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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