Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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