dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
