he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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