i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
