wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
