Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
