Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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