We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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