Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
