the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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