she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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