Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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