im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
