I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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