Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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