Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
