Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
