You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
