put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
