Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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