Moan for me like Helen Keller
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
