the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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