Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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