I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
